When abuse looks like child neglect: The complexity of coercive control at home

Using children as a tool of control
According to Marsolais, children can sometimes also be drawn into controlling behaviour.

This can take forms such as being told they do not need to listen to the parent experiencing abuse because they are lazy or incompetent, or having meals discarded on the pretence that they are not fit for the family.

Over time, this pattern can create the illusion that the partner being abused is the one at fault.

“It’s the years and years of … acting really nice in public — in front of church members, in front of my family members — but at home it being a completely different thing where kids don’t need to listen to their mother, so it looks like she’s not a good mother because the kids really listen to dad,” she said.

“But they never listen to mom because people don’t realize how, in their entire upbringing, mom has been undermined and undermined.”

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