How To Explain the ‘Mental Load’

The mental load that parents carry is all too real—and far too heavy. If you’re not familiar, mental load refers to the often invisible and continuous cognitive effort required to manage a household and family responsibilities; it describes the ongoing planning, organizing, scheduling, and anticipation of the family’s needs (e.g. managing the grocery lists, scheduling doctor’s appointments, remembering to buy birthday gifts, remembering when to do laundry, paying bills, and meal planning). So, it’s not about performing physical tasks, but about keeping track of everything that needs to be done.1
Feeling rushed: Gendered time quality, work hours, nonstandard work schedules, and spousal crossover. Journal of Marriage and Family. 2017.

Depending on your family dynamics, who shoulders this responsibility will vary—but it tends to be the primary caregiver that carries the bulk of the mental load.2 It’s common for this mental load to be something that the parent carrying it is aware of, while their partner isn’t. What happens when you’re parenting with someone that does not know or cannot understand how burnt out you might be? Link to story here.