A Guide to Gaslighting

In yet another tactic of power and control, abusive partners can use gaslighting to confuse and manipulate a survivor. This type of psychological abuse involves an abuser denying a survivor’s memories of an event, questioning their perception of reality and accusing the survivor of “going crazy.”

What Is the Definition of Gaslighting?
Gaslighting in intimate partner relationships is a manipulative abuse tactic where a survivor begins to question their own reality. This is done by the abuser questioning facts, denying memories the survivor has, undermining their judgment and bullying them into believing the abuser’s reality.

7 Gaslighting Warning Signs
These are seven common signs to look for that indicate you’re being gaslit:

  1. Feigned Confusion. An abusive partner pretends they don’t understand what you said or simply refuses to listen, shutting you down when you try to confront him or her about anything, but especially about previous abusive incidents.
  2. Over-Apologizing. If you find yourself apologizing every time you speak, this could be a subtle tactic of gaslighting. Subconsciously, you could be afraid that sharing your thoughts or opinions will put you in danger.
  3. Questioning. An abuser who’s gaslighting you will assert that you aren’t remembering things correctly, even when you’re sure you know what happened.
  4. Lies. These are often bold and outright, everything from, “I’ve never hit you,” even as you can see a bruise on your arm to “Your family’s never been kind to you,” in an attempt to isolate you from a support system. You know they’re lies, but the abusive partner will insist repeatedly that they’re telling the truth until you begin to doubt yourself.
  5. Diversion. If an abusive partner keeps changing the subject each time you bring up their abusive tactics or blocks you from even talking about it in the first place, such as by saying, “Let’s talk about that later,” or “You know your memory isn’t the best,” this is yet another gaslighting technique.
  6. Trivializing. An abuser might call you “too sensitive” or act skeptical when you try to complain about their behavior, questioning why you would get upset over “something so dumb.”
  7. Forgetfulness. It’s all too convenient that the abuser seems to constantly forget the sequence of events that occurred. If they consistently say things like, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” or “That never happened,” this is gaslighting.

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